When people drive, they transform. They turn into something else entirely ... some sort of road raging monster. But they don't turn into this monster for no reason. They do it because they are forced. Forced by other drivers who can't help but cause road rage through the way they drive. I've made a list of these unfine folk just for you.
1. The "what's a turn signal for?" driver. I hate it when this happens to me. I rage like no other. These drivers just change lanes when they feel like it, no matter where anyone else is on the road. There needs to be a special punishment for these drivers - perhaps gluing their hands to the turn signal mechanism so they're reminded of using it appropriately. And I'm being extremely nice about this punishment.
2. The guy who cuts you off just so he can slow down right in front of you. Why? Why must you do this to me? I'm going 7 MPH over the speed limit and you're mad at me for not going fast enough? I hate you. Leave me alone.
3. The "I blaze my own trail" driver. So, it's crazy because the US has been painting these lines on roads since the early 1900's and people still don't know how to use them. These type of drivers just need to go away, on their own island, and drive on roads that don't have any lines. Actually, no, we should take their cars away from them. Let them walk. No bicycles either, since they'll probably be those annoying bicyclists who use the left turn lane where a bunch of these cars are lined up that can go much faster than they can. But no we have to wait for them, because, you know, there is no such thing as common sense.
4. The "I don't need a turn signal for this right turn" driver. This is the cousin of those who don't use their turn signals for changing lanes. Personally, this pisses me off because I'm trying to be a reasonable guy and not make a left turn when there's a car coming towards me. But when you're coming towards me at speed limit, slow down last second and make a right turn without signaling, I want to punch you.
5. The "texter and driver". Look man, I'm not a cop, so I'm obviously not going to stop you and give you a ticket, but if I was a cop I'd pull you over, grab your phone, toss it in the middle of the street and watch a semi truck run right over it. I'll record it too and post it on YouTube, because it would become viral in a minute - "Bad ass cop takes phone from a driver who was texting & makes him watch a semi drive over it". The title is a work in progress.
6. The "tailgater". Everyone hates the tailgater. I'm going 20 MPH over the speed limit, get off my ass. Also, the lane right next to us is wide open. Switch lanes, properly please, then drive past me. I'm not going to risk getting in an accident or a ticket (I'm already going 20 MPH over the speed limit!) just for your lunatic ass.
7. The "high beamer". You have your high beams on, I'm not that far ahead of you. You don't see me flicking you off through my rear window? Also, you don't see that really bright blue LED lit up on your dashboard? This is the only proper time when you're allowed to wear sunglasses at night. When people like the "high beamer" are driving behind you and making sure you're never allowed to see again. Because sight is pretty overrated anyway. No. It's not overrated! And now I'm going to invent an anti- high beam that will high beam you from the back of my car, because you love doing that to me!
Now that I've vented and I'm back to being a human, I apologize for how mean I was. This kind of stuff happens to me on a daily basis and my patience still sucks. Pretty sure I've done stuff on the road that has pissed other people off too. It's part of driving in Los Angeles. A lot of hostility on those roads.