Free shipping for all U.S. orders

7 Places You Can Punch a Baby Without Killing It

Anyone who knows how to have fun knows there are very few things in life funner then punching a newborn. However, you can't just punch a newborn anywhere you'd like. Babies are tiny and helpless, and a punch to the wrong part of the body could in fact kill the little beast. So I decided, out of the goodness of my heart, to teach all you amateur baby punchers where you can punch your bundle of joy without killing it.


Here we go!!!

  1. The Bicep - You can always throw a quick jab to a babies arm to relieve some stress. Babies are tougher than you'd think and they can handle it. 
  2. The Thigh - As you know the thigh is the chubby ugly cousin of the the bicep... For babies And when you're bored of biting you babies chubby thighs... Give it a quick right hook
  3. The Knee - All fat and bone! Soft Bone, but nonetheless, all bone and fun to punch. You want to make sure the infant is on their back when you do this otherwise you can break their leg
  4. The Elbow - The sharper, less fatty step sister of the knee. It is the least fun part of the baby to punch but... who am I kidding... every part of a baby is fun to punch
  5. Upper Back - Anyone who's ever seen a baby being nursed knows you can go to town on a babies back and they'll be just fine. Sure moms do it with an open hand instead of a closed fist but... I just think they don't have the stomach to punch their own baby. Which brings me to an important point. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS punch someone ELSE'S baby. Never your own. Just in case.
  6. The Bottom of their FEET - Any doctor can tell you, this is the toughest part of your body and this is what I would recommend beginners to start with. A babies feet will eventually take a beating once it learns how to walk. You'd just be speeding up the process a little...or a lot.
  7. And finally THE ASS - By far the funnest part of a baby to punch. I think it's the funnest part of anyone or even any animal to punch. The ass of a baby is like two little punching bags smothering a tiny little crapping machine. When all else fails...PUNCH THEM IN THE ASS!

So there you have it. I hope you had fun reading this and you learned something. Oh and above all, I hope you NEVER EVER try any of this in real life. You will be incarcerated and your child will grow up in foster care. LOL. Not that it's funny to grow up in foster care. You know what I mean.

Till Next Time!


Charles Dar Wizard